Doctor's Visit

I went to the doctor on Monday and there was a lot of painful truth. I am at my heaviest weight. 227.6. I was only at 223 when I was busting my ass to lose this weight. At my lowest I was at 199. I worked my ass off to lose every pound only to have gained it all back and then some.

She is getting copies of my X-Rays because she believes that my hip is more messed up than originally thought. I'll find out more about that in two weeks but she is thinking I might need surgery.

I'll also find out whether or not I'm diabetic and what the next step it. I explained my constant fatigue to her and she thinks it might be a vitamin efficiency so she ran a blood panel and again, we'll find out in two weeks the results of that. Everything now is just a waiting game. A long two week waiting game.

I have been diagnosed with severe manic depression. Something the doctor said during our appointment really stuck with me. She said there is a difference between moving on and coping. You can move on and leave the past behind but if you haven't coped with it, it will still eat you alive. I have moved on from Joey. It took me two years but I have moved on. She's right though, I haven't coped with it. I never got a why or an apology. I accepted that and moved on but it is still rough from time to time but I have worked tirelessly to move forward.